It’s easy to think that being attractive is just about the physical. On a day to day basis, however, attractiveness is all about personality. By paying attention to who you are, how you present yourself, and how you treat other people, you can learn how to be attractive to the opposite sex. Here are some great tips that can improve your attractiveness to the opposite sex.
- Smile more often – A natural smile helps your face look its best. It’s also contagious; everyone else will start smiling, too. If you’re trying to seem welcoming, think of something that makes you genuinely happy. The resulting smile gives potential dates the impression that you’re confident, happy and friendly. Whether you smile with your lips open or closed, you’ll seem more attractive.
- Honesty is the best policy – It can be tempting to tell a fib or two to make yourself seem more impressive and exciting. Lies can be hard to keep track of, however, and they’ll eventually be found out. Be truthful and you’ll encourage other people to trust you more. An honest person is more attractive than the most exciting dishonest one.
- Be genuine – Many people make the mistake of trying to pretend to be someone they’re not. Instead of impressing potential mates, this often puts them off. Work to be comfortable with who you are, not who you’d like to be or someone you think would be more appealing. Most people can tell when you’re faking it, and they won’t find that very attractive.
- Pay attention to your grooming – If you’ve been alone for a while, it can be easy to let your personal care slide. While looking a little unkempt might not actually offend, it doesn’t make you very attractive, either. Choose clean clothes that are in good repair and that fit you well. Bathe regularly, and take a little time to care for your skin and hair while you’re doing so. You’ll give the impression that you respect yourself enough to look good, and that’s appealing to most people.
- Be interested in others – When you meet someone new, make a point of showing interest in him or her. Be genuine about this interest, since most people can tell when they’re being patronized, even if they don’t show it. By taking interest in the other person’s opinions, you can start a much more engaging conversation than if you only talked about yourself.
- Cultivate confidence – Everyone feels a little lost and confused sometimes, but it’s important not to let it take over. Confidence is one of the most attractive traits there is. If you’re capable of making your own decisions, expressing your opinions clearly, and being yourself without too much worry about what other people think, you’ll be a much more desirable person.
- Stay active – The modern world encourages a sedentary lifestyle that can take its toll on your body and your mind. If you want to be attractive to others, get moving. This won’t just help your physique; it’ll also help you feel better and be happier, both traits that are well-known to increase attraction. Exercise is a great option for people who feel depressed or stuck in a rut; the natural chemicals it releases will help you get moving again.
- Be positive – You don’t have to put a good face on every bad thing that happens to you, but no one likes a completely negative person. Try to be as positive as possible in every situation. You’ll seem like someone who is in control of their life and who is willing to make things happen.
- Learn to flirt – Flirting can be a lot of fun, but it takes a little bit of skill. Spend a little time watching other people or thinking about the things that you find most appealing. You’ll soon learn when to make eye contact, when touching is appropriate, and how to have a playful conversation that doesn’t become overbearing or offensive. Flirting is one of the best ways of letting a potential date know that you’re really interested.
- Be selective – Flirtation can be fun, but you shouldn’t overdo it. Most people will decide that you’re unreliable if you flirt with everyone in the room. Take some time to consider your prospects and focus your efforts on only one person at a time. Even if you’re not flirting seriously, the individual effort will be more flattering.
- Stay cool – Even if your moods sometimes run away with you, it’s a good idea to keep your cool whenever possible. People who overreact to every small problem are often seen as bad matches. Take a deep breath and deal with every situation as calmly as you can. If necessary, go somewhere private for a little while until you can deal with a problem rationally. Being able to do this makes you look much more capable and mature.
- Keep promises – If you agree to meet someone at a specific time and place, make sure you hold up your end of the bargain. If you know you can’t avoid being late, call in advance to let your date know. Keeping promises lets other people know that you respect them and consider their time to be important.
- Have a sense of humor – Extreme seriousness is often considered unattractive. This doesn’t mean you have to turn into a stand-up comedian, laugh at everyone’s jokes, or keep quiet when a “joke” is really offensive. It does mean learning to loosen up and appreciate humor a little more.
- Avoid dwelling on the past – It’s easy to get caught up in your past problems, especially if you’re just getting out of a bad spell. From the outside, it looks like you’re obsessing, however. It can even seem rude. Keep track of how frequently you mention your exes or other elements from your past, and make sure your new date knows that you’re looking forward to a great future.
- Prioritize personality – Too many people make the mistake of insisting that their dates must meet specific standards of physical attractiveness. By insisting on a supermodel, however, you’re making yourself look shallow and unappealing. Physical attraction may seem important early on, but in the long run, interests, hobbies, talents and other personality features are a lot more important.
- Be open to fun – You’ll seem a lot more attractive if you’re a fun person to be around. That doesn’t mean you have to be the life of the party, but it is worthwhile to learn to make casual conversation and find the best in any situation. You can still enjoy yourself while being responsible and mature.
- Offer compliments carefully – It’s usually clear if you’re complimenting someone just to flatter, or if you’re using a compliment because you feel desperate. Saying something nice is wonderful, but make sure it’s specific and genuine. When the person you’re interested in receives a genuine comment, he or she will find you much more attractive.
- Know your emotions – Bottling everything up is just as bad as letting your feelings carry you away. Make sure you spend some time thinking about your emotions so you know what you want and are able to express it. This is especially important if you find yourself feeling jealous. This emotion can make you feel anxious and controlling, all without cause. By understanding your jealousy, you can avoid letting it take over.
- Communicate clearly – Bad communication destroys many relationships before they start. Whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship or just short-term companionship, make sure you and your date are on the same page. Never assume that other people view dating the same way you do. You may have a few awkward conversations, but your ability to talk about things clearly will make you much more attractive.
- Dress appropriately – Whether you’re first meeting someone or you’re out on a date together, the way you’re dressed will make an impression. Take some time to think about where you’ll be and what feels appropriate; no one looks good in blue jeans at a formal restaurant. Be objective about your looks, too. Even if you’re not happy about the sizes, choose clothes that fit you well and flatter your body. Wearing extremely tight outfits or something sloppy will make you much less attractive than a coordinated set of clothes that suits you.
- Take things slow – Getting into a relationship with someone new can leave you feeling starry-eyed with excitement. It’s easy to jump into things too quickly when you’re being led by your heart, but this can leave your date feeling overwhelmed and threatened. Take a deep breath and let the relationship proceed at its own pace. Don’t be tempted to let things get physical too soon or start planning your future together before the second date is over.
TIPS FOR MEN
Some of these tips apply to everyone, but they’re a special concern for men dating women. Here are some things you should pay attention to:
- Respect the boundaries of others – When you’re first getting to know someone, it’s easy to get very excited. You may even want to be with that person every hour of the day. This can quickly make you seem both unattractive and dangerous, however. Show your interest with a little restraint and respect the other person’s physical and emotional boundaries.
- Be considerate – It can be easy to get carried away by your idea of the perfect date, by what you want out of a situation, or by what you think should happen. Paying attention to how the other person thinks and feels is vital, however. Make sure that you stop and consider the other person on every date.
- Don’t focus solely on sex – Unless you’re both interested in a short-term hook-up, focusing on sex is a mistake. If you’re just trying to flatter someone in order to take them to bed, you’ll seem dishonest and creepy. Don’t make sexual comments unless they’ve already been invited, and if you touch someone who seems uncomfortable, back off right away.
- Avoid sexism – There are a lot of stereotypes about how men and women should act, and it’s easy to fall into them. Expecting your prospective partner to fit into a particular gendered mold or regarding them as less capable doesn’t just make you look unattractive, though. It also hurts others and encourages even more sexism. Examine your assumptions and treat others with respect, regardless of gender.
- Don’t assume obligations – There’s a tired old trope that says a woman owes a man something if he pays for the date. This idea isn’t just sexist; buying into it can also make you seem creepy or obsessed with just one thing. If you’re not comfortable paying for the date without putting obligations on your partner, ask to split the bill.
TIPS FOR WOMEN
Like the tips for guys, these aren’t things that apply only to women, but they come up more often for girls. Here are some factors to consider:
- Accept compliments gracefully – Many people feel the need to brush off comments by insulting themselves, but this can be very unattractive. Even if you feel like you don’t deserve the compliment, smile and say “thank you.” Putting yourself down ends up putting down the person who complimented you, too. Accepting the compliment gracefully is a way of showing respect.
- Be assertive – For many introverts, meeting new people is extremely difficult. If your natural inclination is to stay at the back and avoid eye contact, you may not seem very attractive. In fact, prospective mates are likely to assume that you’re not interested. While you don’t have to change your personality to become more attractive, it is smart to work on your assertiveness. Try meeting other people’s eyes and smiling. Learn to make small talk, and whenever possible, don’t stick to the back of the crowd. Be willing to make the first move. Remember – even if you experience rejection, it’s usually a lot less painful than feeling alone.
- Don’t expect him to pay – The idea that men should pay for everything is an old-fashioned that dates from when female workers made about a quarter to half of what men did. Since you probably control your own bank account, don’t assume your date will pay for everything. There’s nothing wrong with accepting if he offers, but come prepared to pay your own way, and don’t let him assume you owe him anything.
- Avoid vanity – While taking care of yourself and choosing clothes carefully are important, going overboard can make you look self-absorbed. Don’t spend all your time checking your hair, fussing with your clothes, or re-doing your look. You’re out to pay attention to other people, after all!
You don’t have to put all these tips into action at once, of course. Just work on a few things at a time. The next time you’re at a party or having a night out with friends, pay attention to how you look, behave and present yourself. By taking these first steps, you’ll find that you’re well on your way to learning how to be attractive to the opposite sex.
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