One of the most common themes found in women’s dating preferences is the appeal of the bad boy image. A lot of women seem to end up going after aggressive men who don’t necessarily have their best interests in mind.
From the point of view of other women and men who are actively working to be nice guys, this choice can be baffling.
If you’re in the second group, one possibility is that you’re trying too hard to be nice. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make a point of respecting women’s choices and being polite.
It does mean that trying too hard to please can come off as wishy-washy, weak, insincere or boring, however.
Many women find themselves stuck with bad boys and jerks because these men know who they are and are willing to take the lead. You don’t have to turn into one of these guys to improve your dating success, however.
Here are a few tips to help you avoid coming across as a meek, mousy type.
DO be willing to take charge – No one likes being run over by someone who thinks they have all the answers, but if you end up acting indecisive or overly accommodating, you won’t get any points.
Many women feel like they have to be in charge all the time, so being able to turn it over to someone else for a while is a relief.
If you decide to ask someone out, make sure you have a pre-planned idea, such as drinks or a movie at a specific time and date.
That makes the decision simple and easier on both of you.
DO voice disagreements – If you’ve ever talked to someone who did nothing but agree with you, then you know how annoying this can be. Don’t make a point of starting arguments or talk over your date, of course, but be willing to voice your opinion when you have one.
Remember, women aren’t on a date just to hear themselves talk, no matter what stereotypes might say.
If you don’t happen to agree on something, be polite about it, but don’t be afraid to speak up.
DO have a sense of humor – Many men are terrified of accidentally offending women. They try hard to compliment them at every possible point.
Unfortunately, it’s easy for this kind of behavior to come off as artificial and meaningless. Don’t be too serious; you can even joke with and tease your date a little.
Don’t make fun of her or harp on negative traits, of course; you wouldn’t like it if she spent the whole time talking about your weight or thinning hair (if these of course, were personal traits).
Do be willing to make a few jokes and diffuse that first-date tension without worrying about giving offense.
If you exude confidence, it’s a turn-on for everyone.
DO talk about your interests – No one should ever spend the whole date talking about themselves, but doing nothing but focusing on your date can also feel unpleasant.
If your date ends up feeling like she’s running an interrogation just to find out more about you, you may be doing it wrong. Remember that a conversation is a two-way street.
Include relevant details about you, your life and the things you’re interested in to help move it along.
DON’T turn your dates into elaborate occasions – There’s a mistaken idea out there that a date needs to really be impressive in order to make a good impression.
Nothing could be farther from the truth, however. Big, elaborate dates can actually be intimidating or unpleasant, especially if you plan one for the first or second time you get together.
Consider having a casual coffee date or something else simple. This lets you both stick to something within your budget, gives you space to get to know one another, and avoids the implication that your date owes you.
DON’T give too many compliments – When you want to impress someone, it can be really easy to spend the whole time complimenting them. This is especially common for guys who want to win over a woman they’re seeing for the first time.
Unfortunately, constant complimenting can seem fake, even if you mean it. Save your compliments for the times they really matter, and don’t make them all about her appearance.
Women usually like to feel beautiful, but they don’t like to be considered just another pretty face.
DON’T take things too fast – If you’ve had a great time together, there’s a good chance that you’ll want to go out again. Asking to go out the next day can be a real mistake, however.
Remember that you don’t want to come across as obsessive or look like a stalker. Overwhelming someone else with attention, even honest, heart-felt positive attention, will usually make them feel like you’re trying to take over.
At the beginning of a new relationship, take things slow. See each other about once a week, then let things grow at their own pace.
If you want to have more success on your dates, there’s no need to cultivate a bad boy image, just be yourself, show some backbone and put yourself in your date’s shoes. Okay, you know I don’t mean you should wear women’s shoes, right?!