If you don’t feel like your sex life is everything it could be, you’re not alone. A surprising number of people aren’t getting the most out of their intimate relationships. Here are 25 ideas that can help you get more out of your love life.
BEING A ROMANTIC
One of the first steps to getting what you want in bed is getting into bed in the first place. It can be especially difficult to end up there if you’re new to the relationship and feeling nervous, or if you have a busy life that makes it hard to find the time and energy. When in doubt, keep things romantic.
- Give the gift of flowers – This traditional present for women works for men, too. Many guys have never received flowers before, but they appreciate the romantic gesture. Consider roses, lilies or even single daisy for your mate.
- Lingerie – This works both as an enticement and as a gift, but make sure you know your lover’s tastes beforehand. Choose something that’s appropriate to the mood and that will fit well. If you’re giving lingerie as a present, ask for help on sizing; never guess.
- Music – Playing soft music during a romantic date may be cliché, but it also works. Take some time to get to know your date’s musical taste and select the perfect soundtrack to put you both in the mood.
- Lighting – A candle-lit dinner or soft mood lighting can do a lot to change the atmosphere. No matter what you’re doing, you can use a candle flame or gentle lighting to make the environment feel more special.
- Scents – Consider setting the mood with scent as well as sound and sight. Gentle scents such as lavender, rose and jasmine are particularly romantic.
- Make it special – Even if you’ve been together for a long time, it’s important to make your partner feel special. Pay attention to the conversation, give genuine compliments, and avoid thinking about work or other topics. This will help you show that you care.
- Be flirtatious – A little flirting can do a lot. Make eye contact, engage in a little gently joking, and make sure you smile. It can really make a difference.
- Remember to touch – Physical contact that’s not directly sexual can pave the way for a exciting time in bed. Hold hands, give spontaneous hugs, touch your partner’s arm or hair, and engage in other little physical gestures that show affection.
- Simple meals – A picnic or other simple surprise meal can be a great prelude to a romantic date. All you need is a little planning to put together the perfect scene.
- Write love notes – Romantic notes aren’t just for your teenage years. Even a small note that lets your date know you’re looking forward to seeing him or her again soon will add that special touch.
While you may occasionally want to jump right into sex, it can be uncomfortable at times. Foreplay helps you get in the mood and should be enjoyable for its own sake, rather than just a way to get to the “main event.” Here are some tips to make your foreplay more exciting.
- Focus on kissing – Many couples engage in a lot of kissing when they first get together, but this dies down after sex becomes more comfortable. Don’t let kissing fall by the wayside; it’s one of the most sensual experiences available and it can really improve sex for both of you.
- Pay attention to hands – The hands are among the most sensitive parts of the human body. Do more than just hold hands; massage your partner’s palms and fingers. Kiss his or her hands, run your fingers over them and pay close attention to the reactions that you elicit.
- Don’t forget about feet – It’s easy to ignore our feet; they help us get around, but they’re not much of a priority for most people. Feet are surprisingly sensitive and can be a great choice for sensual massage.
- The scalp can be sexy – Whether you comb or braid your date’s hair, rub his or her scalp in a sensual massage, or just run your finger along the hairline, it can be very stimulating.
- Touching the ears – Whether it’s a gentle kiss or nibble on the ear lobe or outright licking, ears are strong erogenous zones for many people.
- Don’t just kiss – Lips are for kissing, but they’re also for tracing with your finger or tongue, nibbling, or even sucking. The lips are full of nerve endings, so keep them in mind when you engage in foreplay.
- Talk to your partner – Silent sex can be awkward and intimidating. Remember to talk during foreplay. Tell your partner what you like and what you intend to do. Ask about what feels good. You’ll both find yourselves getting a lot more excited.
- Take time to explore – It’s easy to jump right to the sex without learning everything about your partner’s body. Spend some time getting to know it and you’ll have a much better time in bed.
- Remember to snuggle – Humans form better connections when they have a lot of physical contact. Start out by cuddling on the couch after dinner or while you’re watching a movie.
The best way to get what you want in bed is to ensure that your partner is also getting a lot of enjoyment. If one of you feels left out or unfulfilled, there’s a good chance that there won’t be a next time. Here are a few tips to help you enjoy a satisfying sexual experience together.
- Take it slow – Rushing into sex before one or both of you is completely ready can be uncomfortable or even painful. Take time to make sure that your partner is fully aroused before you engage in sexual activity.
- Guide your partner – Don’t be afraid to show your lover what works best for you. Be willing to touch your partner’s hands and guide them to the right location. It’ll help you both enjoy yourselves more.
- Communicate effectively – Make sure you tell your partner what you do and don’t enjoy. If this is difficult for you during sex, take some time before you start to talk about the things that make you feel best. This is especially important if you have any emotional triggers or physical mobility issues that could make sex more difficult.
- Be assertive – Many people feel frightened or shy about showing that they enjoy sex. This leads to a tendency to passively wait for the other person to do what works best. Unfortunately, your lover may never figure out the right way to be intimate with you if you don’t make it clear. Be willing to take charge and ensure that you’re satisfied.
- Be willing to change – If one position doesn’t work for you, don’t be afraid to change. You may find that a new position can give you a more comfortable angle and greater enjoyment.
- Make some noise – Having sex with someone who’s completely silent can make your partner feel lonely or as though you’re not enjoying yourself. Don’t be afraid to make a little noise to let your partner know.